As my blog title states - this is one way I think of infertility and the whole baby-making process in general. I have not always thought of it this way though. I had a plan and I voiced that plan often. Until one day at work, when I started to doubt our ability to conceive, I mentioned my doctor visits and issues with a co-worker, who I was not particularly close to, but as I mentioned earlier, I am a very open person. His advice, from experience, was to not plan things out in detail too much b/c you will only be disappointed more when it does not work out as such! He had a child but wanted a big family and was unable to give his son even one sibling. It was MFIF at work, but when this was going on with him, there was not much to be done for his issue and he and his wife did not believe in IVF.
What I take from this is: Plan with flexibility in mind. He was saying life is uncertain and I agree! We can only plan to a certain point then we have to have faith that the rest will fall into place, or as a friend has said to me often "God's plan will play out!" But we also have to try to consider EVERY possible way if it is truly what we want! For this reason, I always kept IVF as an option and in fact "felt" that it would come to that - and here I am!
My recent doctor visits have shown the uncertainty. Thankfully in a good way. I have responded well to the meds and many follicles are growing, horomone levels are high and lining is perfect! In fact, my response has lead the RE to reduce med doses twice in two days, from 375 to 300 to 275. ER date is going back and forth between Tues and Wed. So I am having problems planning other things around the doctor appts and DH may not be able to stay home with me like originally planned :( And the uncertainty keeps pouring down, but I know there is nothing I can do. So I just go with the flow - easy for me b/c I am inbetween careers, but the money is getting tight! How will I get a job if and when I am preggers? And what if there are multiples? Oh, no!!! I have to just stop thinking about it and just wait to see what will happen after ER. Dealing with uncertainty can be so hard but that is life, right?!?
So the question becomes: How do we deal with the uncertainty? I am sure it is different for us all - what are your thoughts? I'd love to hear them!