in my thinking, not the current journey. So I have had thoughts that God is punishing me for past acts and thoughts, of having children and other areas of my life. I don't want to go into details. I have been a good person I know but some decisions have been selfish (wanting to have a better life than my parents and all) and I have felt like I am in a race to have children. I got married first out of all the grandchildren of my mother's parent's huge family and thought I would be first to have a great-grandchild for my grandparents (and so did they). But I was not!! I was angry when I found out my cousin was a month pregnant when she got married four months after I started TTC. LETTING IT GO!!! I was a bit angry when one of my bestfriends thought she was having trouble TTC after only 6 months and after her first concerning appt with OB/GYN she was preggo in a month but I did not find out until right before her early delivery. LETTING IT GO!!! Of course there is a bit more but I am LETTING IT ALL GO!!!!
No more negative vibes, all positive thoughts - here I come.
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4 comments:
Welcome to the blogosphere!
Hi! Found you from the Connections Abound list at Mel's. Just wanted to let you know that DH and I are dealing with MF too. We went to the urologist who wouldn't even do an SA, just sent us back to the clinic.
I hear you on the anger and disappointment. It is important to feel the feelings, but then, as you're saying, be able to let it go too.
Welcome! It makes complete sense that you're angry. If I had a dime for every time I seethed at someone else's ease, I'd be able to pay for many a cycle out of pocket.
Your troubles are NOT punishment for past thoughts. I think at some point we all feel the urge to blame ourselves for our IF woes. But it isn't your fault.
I need your positive energy! =)
Welcome to the blog world! My husband and I are dealing with MF too--hope you will come visit my blog sometime (just dont focus on the super-negative post up right now!)
I wish you a SHORT journey, and know that I will be here to cheer you on!
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